my heart is drenched in wineLet’s pretend for a moment that for some reason, Harry accepted Draco’s invitation to be friends in Year One.
This is how I imagine his first owl home would go:
Dear Daddy,
Sorry it’s taken so long for me to write! I’ve just been having so much fun here at Hogwarts. You’re right, Professor Dumbledore does seem rather barmy, but Professor Snape’s the best! He said to tell you hello. For some reason some daft teacher in a purple turban did, too, but I don’t remember his name.
Also, you’ll be happy to know I’ve already made a great new friend since I’ve been here. You’ll never guess who it is—HARRY POTTER! I saved him from being friends with that stupid ginger family, and now we get along gravy. He’s totally awesome, and since he’s friends with me, I’m super-popular now, too! He’s going to be coming home with me for Christmas, by the way—he said he has nowhere to go for the holidays because the muggles he lives with are awful. I told him you’d fully understand that sentiment, plus if he visits you can show him your tattoo! He thinks it sounds wicked and that I’m lucky to have a “cool dad” like you.
Anyway, I must be off. Harry wants to show me how he can talk to snakes, and I wouldn’t miss that for the world! Send Mummy my love.
Always,
Draco
P.S. Can you send some Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans in your owl back? Harry and I want to have a competition to see who can stomach a full bag without vomiting. Isn’t he the best?Now, wouldn’t that put Lucius in an awkward position?
AHAHHAAHAHHA. OH MY GOD.
This.
(Source: actuallymittromney, via cashfameandsocialchange)
